A Double Edged Blade
by MistressMira
Summary: Sometimes in order to do the right thing you have to ask the hard questions and make logical decisions when it comes to your lover. Raven Amell, the almost cold hearted mage is never one to shy away from what needs to be done, she just hopes Alistair can handle it. A one shot for some back story on a WIP that I will begin publishing soon. Rated M for dark theme/implied sex.


**This is a one shot that will go with a much longer story I have been working on. It is something I think is necessary to read before the longer story. I have posted a Raven Amell fic before and in that universe she chose to let Alistair take the throne. In these storyies she will make a different choice. This takes place before the Landsmeet but after all the main story quests before going to Denerium.**

"Can I ask you something?" Alistair said cautiously to his mage companion. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I find that I need to know."

"Yes, Alistair?" Raven Amell said with slight irritation. Sometimes his constant need to fill the silence wore on her nerves. "What is it you need to know so badly?"

He looked slightly wounded before answering. "Why do you hate Templars so much? Your contempt for Gregoir was obvious even to someone as dense as me."

Raven sighed and poked at the campfire. "I don't hate all Templars, Alistair. I don't hate Cullen. I don't hate you."

"I'm not a Templar. I thought we agreed on this."

"As much as I want to forget you are, I can't seem to when you perform a Holy Smite while at my side."

He cringed at the memory of their earlier battle, "Yeah, again, sorry about that. It…it didn't hurt when I did that, did it?"

"I am not sure. I seem to have passed out before I could feel anything." She smiled warmly at him. "How could I stay mad when I wake up to such glorious hair? Howdo you keep it from getting mussed up in battle anyway?"

"That is my secret my dear. You also didn't answer my question. Was being in the Tower really so bad?"

"Let's put it this way, Alistair. You would have been a terrible Templar. They don't talk, they just watch. Always watching, and waiting, waiting for you to be weak and ready to slay you for it. They will torment and humiliate you for the slightest infraction. Touching and taking things from you…." Her breath hitched after the last statement. She had revealed too much.

"Maker's Breath Raven. I had heard rumors of such things but I never thought….. They never…they never did that to you did they?" He looked horrified at the thought of her being violated in any way.

"I was luckier than most. I had to endure an occasional invasion of space and unwanted groping but I never was taken unwillingly. Any man that touched me that way did so by invitation only and I don't do a lot of inviting." She took his hand trying to reassure him that nothing too horrifying happened to her. She had spared him most of the bitter truth about where she grew up. His kind heart wouldn't be able to handle learning why her healing talents were so exceptional and she didn't want him asking Wynne. She knew where Wynne's son had really come from. Her story was another cautionary tale about what the Templars could really be like.

"Now I understand why you were so distrustful of me when we first met." He said after a few moments. "I bet it seemed like I was escorting you on purpose because they didn't trust you."

She was surprised at his conclusion. It had indeed been exactly what she thought. That even the Grey Wardens would saddle her with her own personal Templar and she could never truly be free. Raven glanced around at her companions. Each one was now desperately trying to look preoccupied with whatever they had been doing before this conversation started. Only Wynne was looking at her, her face one of understanding while lost in her own bitter memories. There wasn't much for them to do in camp and their budding relationship was happening in front of their companions constantly. She envisioned Leliana penning a great love story and calling it "The Mage and The Templar".

Raven stood up and offered her hand to Alistair. "Walk with me. I will share things with you if you want to know but I do not wish to share with everyone."

He took the offered hand and walked out of camp trying to ignore the glare he was getting from Zevran their assassin turned ally. The elf had no shame when openly wooing the female Warden. In a moment of childishness he turned to the assassin and stuck out his tongue before disappearing into the trees with Raven.

When she was sure she was out of listening distance, Raven spoke softly to Alistair. "I'm glad the Wardens found you when they did. It would be heart wrenching to see a good man twisted by desire and lust."

He stopped in his tracks slightly embarrassed by her candidness. "Desire and lust?" he squeaked out.

Raven sat on a fallen tree and gestured for him to join her. He sat as close as possible without actually touching her.

"The chantry makes their Templars take a vow of chastity. You cannot take men and put them in an escape proof tower full of women and tell them not to touch, look, or even think about them. It goes against nature almost as assuredly as using blood magic. Those desires are still there and no matter how strong the man, lust can only be tempered for so long." She realized then how close she had gotten to him. In her need for him to understand she had inadvertently created an atmosphere of want. He was larger than her and when she leaned toward him it caused her to tilt her head back to look up at him. Her face was barely 6 inches from his. Thinking quickly she decided to continue talking.

"Even if the Wardens were worried about me and sent you as a guardian, I don't mind. I know that the Templars are necessary and I should never be far from one. I'm just glad it's you. I've never had my own personal Templar before." She smiled at him then. "You don't have to be a Chantry Templar in order to be _**my**_ Templar, do you?"

Alistair flushed a deep red. Even though they were already much more than friends and he had spent one night in her tent already, her affection still made him blush. He kissed her then. He couldn't help himself, their topic of conversation had not been completely pleasant but she always had a way of making him feel better about it. Whenever the conversation was unpleasant she would turn her head to one side and say just the right thing to make him feel better. He kissed her out of love and an appreciation for her wisdom and insight. She had endured so much and yet seemed to take it all in without losing her hold on the logic that guides her.

When he broke off the kiss she spoke again. "With all that being said, I have something to ask you. A personal request, if you will."

"Whatever it is I shall endeavor to do it to the best of my abilities. So as long as it involves killing Darkspawn or talking too much, I'm your man." He smiled at his joke.

"I want you to carry this for me." From her robes she brought out a dagger. He had watched her buying it in Orzammar. The red tinted dragonbone looked beautiful in the moonlight.

"I'm a warrior, Raven." He frowned not understanding the need for the blade. "I don't use a dagger."

"I know." She looked at the blade in her hand. "I want you to keep it close when we are sleeping at night. If anything should happen during one of my nightmares…you are the only person who truly understands what needs to be done."

He looked at her dumbfounded. She couldn't be asking him what he thought she was. Raven was the strongest person he knew and would always resist a demon. When he just continued to stare, she placed the weapon in his hand.

"It's called The Rose's Thorn." She told him. "I had been thinking about asking you for a while now. When I saw this blade it seemed like a sign that it was okay to ask. I trust you, Alistair, and though you don't think you can do this, I know you can. You will do what is necessary and what is right because it is your duty as a Templar, as a Grey Warden, and as a lover if that is what you want. It would mean a lot to me if you could protect me not just from our enemies but also from myself. It is a hard decision and I understand if you return the blade to me. You don't have to decide right now. Just think about it and I will be waiting for you when you are ready."

After she said this she stood up brushing her robes flat. She leaned in and kissed his forehead before walking back to camp. Raven knew it would be a while before he would head back. He needed to absorb her words and come to terms with her request. She just hoped that he would make his way to her when he decided to return. She wanted more than just that one night they spent together and she hoped that he understood what being with her entailed. If they were to share a bed regularly he had to be willing to tend to whatever might come back with her when she woke from the Fade each morning. Raven always knew, especially after the thing with Cullen, that only a Templar would be able to love a mage and handle the responsibility that comes with it. When they saved the Tower, Cullen wanted to kill everyone just to be sure and if Wynne and Alistair hadn't been with her she would have let him. She had been shunned by other mages because of her belief in the necessity of the Templars and Anders had pestered her constantly about it.

Back in the forest Alistair sat staring at the dagger she had given him. What she was asking him was necessary but there was something else in this gesture that he was missing. Her words came back to him. He knew the answer was in what she said to him. Even though they didn't mean to mages had a tendency to speak in veiled words when conveying an important message or lesson. _I trust you, Alistair_, she said. _ It's called The Rose's Thorn…when I saw the blade it seemed like a sign_….._because it is your duty….as a lover…The Rose's Thorn… when we are sleeping at night….we…The Rose's Thorn. _His mind finally struck the connection. The rose! He had given her a rose from Lothering and told her how he felt about her. He had kissed her for the first time that night. This was her rose to him although it was far darker token. She was telling him that she loved him but that there were hard decisions to make when loving a mage. He could accept her trust and be willing to do what was necessary or he could walk away right now, no hard feelings.

He groaned at how torn he was. The woman he loved was accepting him into her bed regularly but only if he was willing to kill her if she became an abomination. He knew that this was big. His Templar training had taught him what mages deal with in the Fade and after the Circle Tower she had been terrified of that ever happening to her. Raven, being the ever logical one, was making him deal with the reality of loving a mage. Damn that woman and how intense she made his emotions.

Back at camp Raven returned to the fire to find Wynne and her mabari, Poe, the only ones still awake. Well, except for Sten doing a slow patrol around the outskirts of their campsite. Wynne gave the young mage a soft smile as Raven sat next to her.

"You care for that young man a great deal, don't you?" Wynne asked.

"I do." Raven replied, "We have already been over this, Wynne. He is a good man with a kind heart. He doesn't see me as a mage and something to be feared. He just sees….me. I will not apologize for loving him."

The older mage chuckled at this. "I wouldn't ask you to. I have thought about what you said the last time we spoke of this and I am starting to be swayed. I'm not sure it is a good idea but it is nice to see there are still good things in this world."

"Alright, I guess. I don't want your disapproval, Senior Enchanter." She used her title to show her respect for the older woman. "I wasn't trying to fall in love, it just sort of happened."

"I understand, dear. I just wanted to make sure you were sure how you felt. But I'm off to bed to rest these old bones. Try not to wake the rest of the camp when he comes back." The older mage winked at her before heading off to her tent.

Raven reached down to Poe and began to stoke the war hound's large head. She had a connection to the dog that was eerie at times. She could issue a command to him just like she would any of her companions and he followed her instructions exactly. Whenever she wanted a moment alone Poe would go find something to do elsewhere for a while. When she was having a nightmare she would wake with him already at her side ready for her to hold him while she cried. Raven would often hold entire conversations with Poe just knowing that he was agreeing or disagreeing with her.

She leaned back and began to think about Cullen. She had cared deeply for the man and he had been the best thing about the Tower. No one knew he had saved her from a fate worse than death from his fellow Templars and that he was ostracized from their company because of it. She shuddered at the memory of being cornered and molested by those men. Cullen had stepped into the room just as they were cutting her robes off and started dealing out blows. The 3 men never stood a chance against the angered Templar. Afterward he had wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the First Enchanter's office. Raven remembered shivering and clinging to him desperately. She had been able to smell the musky scent of him heightened by the heat coming off of him in his anger. He had taken it upon himself to personally ensure her safety and had even been chosen to deal the killing blow if she failed the Harrowing. She knew Gregoir did that because he disapproved of their growing feelings for each other. He wanted the Templar to understand that he was playing with fire and might get burned. Her cold logic kept her from being angry with either of them for it. Then her thoughts turned to her companion.

Alistair was different than Cullen. He had kept his humor and was still innocent of the ways of the Templars outside the Chantry. Maybe she loved him because he was free to share himself with her instead having to run and hide every time they got too close. She felt differently about him too. The fire she felt when he touched her was familiar but more intense. Her desire for this man was deeper, stronger and more primal. Sometimes she envisioned she looked like a lioness about to eat him whenever she could steal a few moments alone with him. There were many times that she left him at camp because she couldn't think straight while he followed her so closely.

After a while her eyes were heavy with sleep and Alistair had not returned yet. She was disappointed that it was taking so long but it was a hard decision and he could tell her in the morning. She left Poe by the dwindling fire wanting to sleep alone. He picked his head up and gave a low whine in disappointment but let his mistress go. She had set up her tent in a more secluded spot in the camp trying to stay away from the prying eyes of the elven assassin. She found him charming in his way but she still didn't entirely trust him. She opened up the flap on her tent and bent to step inside when she heard someone approach her from behind. She stood up straight and was wrapped in Alistair's arms before she could turn around. He pushed her forward into the tent before turning her around. He hadn't planned it very well so they fell and he barely caught himself before landing on top of her. She hit the ground hard and glared up at him. She hit him in the chest and started ranting at him.

"How can you be so clumsy, you big…." He cut her off with a kiss. She pushed back tearing him away from her.

"Alistair," she said, "Calm down. Slow down, you're hurting me."

"I-I'm sorry," he said, "I don't know how to say how I feel sometimes. Look, I know what loving you means and I'll do as you ask just don't make me think about it like that again. I see you, I don't think about all those other things."

Raven's breath caught in her throat. He was looking at her so intensely and she could see the truth in his eyes. He was so blinded by his love for her that she was all he could see. She had known him long enough to know that he understood the dark side of things he just didn't like thinking about them. His words to her when she was horrified that they had called for the Right of Annulment were proof of that. Then again he had tried to make her feel better by saying that "Locking the doors and throwing away the key was definitely the Templar Plan B."

She brought him in close and gave him a kiss. She hadn't meant to distress him so much but she felt it was necessary for him to think about it.

"I'm sorry, love." She said after a few moments. "I know you don't like to look at the dark side of life but I needed you too. I needed you to really weigh what I was asking you, I didn't want you to agree because it would make me happy. I wanted you to agree because you truly understood what I was asking. I know you don't see me as anything other than the woman you love but I'm more than that and you have to remember that too. I can be seen in the Fade by demons and that makes me a dangerous bedmate."

"And here I thought that the tiny fireballs you made when you are impassioned were the most dangerous thing about you."

Raven giggled at him and pulled him back to her again in a fierce hug. She was happy he chose to stay with her and agreed they didn't need to bring it up again.

"So what's a mage got to do to get a little attention from her Templar?" Raven smiled at him wickedly before reaching behind him and closing the tent flap.


End file.
